nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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