Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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