My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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