Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
