Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
