What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
