im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
