after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
