when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's shark week go big or go home
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
