1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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