You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
