it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
