My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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