You made me cry and you don't even care
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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