you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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