um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
