The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
