Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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