i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
