Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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