Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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