you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
