....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
