i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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