I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
