I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
