I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
