Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
