she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
