Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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