There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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