Do you still have your period?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize