WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
