On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
