I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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