party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize