you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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