that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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