she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Success! We fucked roommates!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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