Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
