I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
