Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
