Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
