I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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