Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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