I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
