I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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