i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
