I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
