i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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