He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
