3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
