i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
