STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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