its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am mentally ready for anal.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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