So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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