Im at strip club and am horny
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
