Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
