Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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