Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
