His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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