I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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