I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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