he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
