three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
