OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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