why didn't you poke me back
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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