I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
