worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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