ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
