you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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