You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have aggressive nipples.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
