i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
