Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
