You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The uberlube is also flammable
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
