I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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