....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Congratulations! We have a period
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