College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
