You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So vagazzling was a success
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
please don't ironically join a cult
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