Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
