I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize