I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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