then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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