Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
