If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
